Fun times at Shao Yuan International Guest House! Vol 3.

The M&Ms Challenge
Some M&Ms are stronger than other M&Ms. Cushla and I took an ordinary pack of M&Ms and made them square off with one another in a squishy death battle!
Witness the finalists, covered in the squamous guts of their victims.

For your information, red was the strongest colour. The champion died a warrior's death, melting in my mouth - not in my hand.

An Open Letter

Dear Every Chinese Man in Beijing,
Please wait until I am walking directly behind you before chain-smoking four of your nasty cigarrettes right in my face. That way when I punch you in the lungs you will really get a good idea of how I am feeling at that time.
Also, if you could hoik up some phlegm right by my shoe that would be great.

Regards,
Joshua Jones

Introductions: Our Teachers

We have four different classes here at Beida, and four very different teachers. They are all nice and let us take lots of photos of them though! Heehee.


Wang Lao shi (lao shi means teacher) takes us for Chinese Language, which is recognising characters, speaking, studying grammar, that sort of thing.
He likes: Tests, handouts and striped jerseys.


Yang Fan Lao Shi takes us for Conversational Chinese, which is how to ask for directions, or give directions (which I have done once! But only in English...) and how to talk about ourselves.
She likes: Dresses with big sleeves, playing games, cheerfully yelling at us.


Shao Lao Shi takes us for Chinese Culture, which is supposed to be Calligraphy and Paper Cutting. We haven't done any paper cutting yet, but maybe tomorrow will be the day. Our class makes him nevous.
He likes: Hiro from the tv show Heroes, giving constructive feedback.


Zhao Lao Shi takes us for Singing. We study the language of songs and then we learn how to sing them. He is a dark horse.
He likes: Mime (he's really good!), singing songs about whatever we're talking about, looking serious.

And that's how it is.

Fun times at Shao Yuan International Guest House! Vol 2.

Oh, no you di'n't!


Riding the subway is mean fun, definitely my favourite way of getting around. Because we are slow white imperialist pigs, Chinese people like to push past us in queues and race past on the stairs down in the di tie (subway).
But I don't get bitter. Oh no. I turn it into a fun game.
Now whenever I am going up or down the stairs in the di tie I try to pass as many people as possible. My current record is san (three), but I hope to achieve wu (five) before I come home. Because it mostly takes place underground, I call this new fitness sensation Undertaking.
You can Undertake wherever there are stairs, and lots of people using them! I hope you to give it a try for happiness!

Fun times at Shao Yuan International Guest House! Vol 1.

This is a scale drawing of the remote control for my room's heat pump. Using this invaluable drawing, I mapped all the functions of the machine in handy-dandy English. Now some of the group said it was sad that I made this, but we will see who's sad when their pump doesn't switch on at 4:30 and give their room a jolly good 90 minute roasting!

The two types of food in China

There are two types of food in China: 'Hideous' and delicious'.
Actually that's not true, it is slightly more graduated. But most food fits into these two categories. Let me explain.
There are two types of food in China: 'spicy' and 'not as spicy'
For example, we went to a food place tonight where they cook up vegetables you select. When it's finished the chef asks if you want spices in it. If you nod he heaps it in. If you shake your head he only gives you one spoonfull. There is no 'no-spicy' option.
There are two types of food in China: 'Western' and 'Chinese.' Chains like McDonalds and Starbucks are prevalent over here. And if you thought Starbucks was expensive in New Zealand, think again! It's hideously expensive to buy Western food in China, presumably because the market isn't as large. The Spicy chicken Fillet burger at McDonalds is totally delicious though. I've had four of them so far. Yep. KFC sell fish burgers, as we discovered quite accidentally.
Chinese food is usually a bit cheaper, but you risk eating something that may not agree with you, or eating something you don't agree with! Most of the people in our class have a moral objection to eating sea horse, for example, because they're endangered. Of course they're endangered, they're the most ridiculous animal on the planet! They're the dodo bird of the sea. I would eat one, but I don't want to deprive a snork of his steed.
At the night markets I have also been offered cat, dog, sheeps balls, live fish, centipedes, cockroaches, beatles and goats penis, all of which I politely declined. I did partake in the fried scorpion and a little bit of snake though.
Just a man with his scorpion.
And pear soup. I don't know.
The fried scorpion was pretty nice. Crunchy-like. The snake was rubbery, like chewing on a tiny bike tyre. No one was quite as keen on that. Observe:
Judith about one second after chowing down on some snake.
I am really missing sweet things. My sweet tooth yearns for goodies! They have snickers bars here, and ice cream but, which is the last thing you want to eat in this weather and anyway it's too expensive. Fruit tends to be what the Chinese have for dessert. The best food I have found over here so far is called zanza. It is fruit on a stick, coated in toffee. Like a toffee apple, but with more variety. I have had kiwifruit, strawberry, apple, mandarin, pear, tomato and these strange little Chinese apples that are quite delicious. The last one you can also get coated in peanuts.

Kids in my class will know about the dragon fruit, because we studied it in Reading and it ended up being one of those things we talked about all year. So when I saw one at a stall I had to buy it. It was actually not tasty. But Judith seemed to like it.

There are two types of food in China: food in wacky packaging and food with no packaging.
Pepsi bottles have the Chinese Gladiators on the side. Which is funny because they're such tiny men they just look like glam metal stars from the 80s. It would be like giving me a nerf gun and calling me a NZ Galdiator. Fun fact: Chinese don't understand the word 'Pepsi'. I don't know what they call it, cos it's written right there on the side of the bottle.
There is a chocolate bar called 'Guts'. Disturbing. But funny when I asked a sick classmate if she'd spewed her 'guts' out. Ha!

Dave called it with the chips. Blueberry is the best flavour. I tried braised pork but just couldn't get into it. I'll bring you some back, Dave!
So maybe there are a few more than two types of food in China...

Empathy

I now know what it must be like to be Wendy.

And what it would be like if Chicky had an older brother (who I will name Chooky)